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Monday, June 8, 2009

Too much advice

When I was pregnant with Addison, I was terrified. I was overwhelmed with how much I didn't know about pregnancy, childbirth, and bringing a baby into this world. There are so many do's and don'ts that it was very hard to keep up. My friend gave me a helpful book, "What to Expect When You're Expecting". I started reading this book, nicknamed The Pregnancy Bible, and many of my fears were put to rest. I got a few pages in and noticed a card stuck in the pages, advertising the What to Expect Website so I went and checked it out. I joined a message forum on this site that has turned out to be very helpful. There are over 300 women on this board, some experienced, some first time, some nurses, or teachers, from all over the world. I have saved myself countless trips to the ER or hysterical phone calls to the pediatrician & OB due to the women on these boards. When I was having fake contractions, they had answers. When Addie kept "choking" while nursing, they had answers. When I found out Addison wasn't thriving and needed to be put on formula supplements, I found support & advice. I don't know where I would be sometimes without these ladies.

On the other hand, sometimes I think I would be in a much happier relaxed place without these boards and all the other advice I get on a day to day basis. I am so overwhelmed with information right now. Let Addie CIO so she will be able to sleep on her own, don't let her CIO because she's crying to tell you something, get a strict schedule set up, don't set schedule, feed these foods, don't feed these foods, she should be eating 6 oz of food a day, You don't need to measure her food, she needs to eat this often, sleep this often, breast is best, feed on demand, play with your baby, let your baby learn to play on her own, carry her around with you so she feels secure, don't carry her around so she gains independance...you see where I am going here. So many conflicting things. I have been told by lactation consultants to absolutely not bind my chest while trying to get rid of my milk. Then I talk to a friend and her doctor told her that's the best thing to do! It's so confusing.

Between browsing the topics on this site, talking to my mother, grandmother, friends, play group moms, the cashier at Albertson's, the nurse at the pediatrician's office, and the neighbor's, I have advice spewing out of my eyeballs. I only just realized in the last few days how that is not always a good thing. It is really easy for me to let "bad advice"-otherwise known as advice that doesn't pertain to me or that I don't agree with-go in one ear and out the other. So that has never been a problem. But I am truly starting to feel that if I didn't pay attention to every bit of advice, and read every book, and browse message boards, and talk to mothers about what we should and shouldn't do for a baby this age, I would be much more relaxed. I think I would enjoy my days more.

Do you know that I went through about a month that I wouldn't rock my baby to sleep and stressed about her getting off schedule?? Neither of these things were truly problems for me. I don't mind rocking her to sleep. I don't mind her not sleeping (if she stays in a good mood) regularly. I gave myself so much stress and so much anxiety over so many little things, all because I look for too much advice. I need to learn to trust my own instincts more with my daughter, and not worry so much about what I'm "supposed" to be doing.

Every month, at the beginning of the month, I have been setting goals for myself. So far they have been to read x amount of pages in my book, spend x amount of hours cleaning, get out of the house x times a week, etc. This month, I only have 1 goal, and it's a simple one. I am going to learn to trust my own instincts, and not focus so much on what they say is right.

**Disclaimer: I still love my WTE girls :)



  1. You aren't alone in feeling that way. That's why I tend to stay off the boards unless I need to be there. I am grateful for all the help I've gotten on WTE also, but have just learned to make educated decisions for my son and feel good knowing that I'm his mother and I know best and if I don't I'll find help. Don't sweat the small stuff Angie. :)

  2. Phew... thank you for that disclaimer but I think you are doing the right thing! Your instinct is best and advice is nice but sometimes its not the same situation etc., you're doing great Angie!

  3. I know what you mean. I stopped going to my expecting club after I got sick of hearing people argue over CIO or no CIO, bottle vs breast, blanket or no blanket, forward facing carseat vs back facing carseat, schedual vs no schedual,tv vs no tv, ect... I occasionally stop by and see what people are up to. But I am now happy to be following my own mothering ways. Do whatever you feel best. I don't think we scar our kids for letting them cry in a crib for a bit nor do I think we inhibit our children from becoming independent by rocking them. Follow whats in your heart.

    *side note* does this make me one of them for telling you to 'follow your heart' somehow I've fallen into giving you advice. lol. At least its decent advice. ... alright ramble over. heh