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Sunday, June 28, 2009

Temporary Retirement

Alas...it's that time. My nursing career has come to an end a temporary retirement. I have known this day was coming for a month and a half. I've had plenty of time to prepare myself, emotionally and physically for today. It still just sucks.

Already, I find myself justifying my decision to quit. I feel the need to explain to every stranger that sees me pull out a bottle just exactly what our struggles were, so they don't judge me. I want to say "I wanted to breastfeed for a year! Don't look at me like that! My daughter wasn't thriving on my milk. I did everything I could and it just didn't work! This is what's best for us. But I am still one of you. I am still a breast feeder at heart." I want to parade all of my struggles and hard work in their face, just for those extra bonus points for effort I'll get in the Good Mom competition. I realize, consciously, that this is insane. Believe me, I do. It's just not always as easy as telling yourself that.

I long for the day that I can truly be proud of what I have accomplished. This has been the biggest sacrifice I have ever made in my life. I gave my daughter the best start possible, and now, at seven and a half months, the time has come for her to gain some independence. It is time I realize I am not a better mom because I breastfed, but because I did what was needed in order for my daughter to thrive.



  1. Exactly. I understand, and am happy for you that you were able to make it this far with the struggles you guys have had. :)

  2. Angie you did give Addie the best start! While I am sure it is hard to stop also letting her thrive on formula is also giving her the best for what she needs now. Everything you have done has been in her best interest and that's what counts!

  3. I understand how you feel. I couldn't have said it better.