Beach Day

Ahhhh...

Yesterday morning, when we woke up, we discovered that for the first time in over a week, we had gorgeous blue skies.  While the rain last week was a welcome change after such a dry summer, the sun that followed was almost more welcome!

We decided during coffee that we would take off for the day and hit the beach for a little fun in the sun.  It was such a relaxing day, something we've all needed for awhile after the stresses of a job hunt. 

My cousin and her kids came with us, and the kids had a blast skipping through the water, building sand "cakes" and "snow angels", and collecting sea shells. 

Living near the beaches again is definitely a perk to being back home.  It is so nice to go spend the day at the beach after having made no plans to do so!

It's Hard to Do...

I want to write.  So badly, do I want to write.  I have all of these ideas swimming in my head.  I have a notebook I carry around, just so I can jot down what's in my head at any given time. 

I just can't.

It's hard to focus, these days.  It's hard to think about things like crafting tutorials, writing prompts, discussing the "why's" of the last few months.  It's hard to do any of that when everything feels so up in the air.

I thought things were finally coming together.  I thought that after years of struggling and sacrificing, we'd finally hit "pay day." I was wrong.  So, so, so wrong.

It's just hard to care about anything but my disappointment this week.

I feel like the last few years have been spent on Humpty Dumpty.  Yeah...the egg guy that fell from the wall.  After my husband's discharge from the military, I've felt like all we've done is focus on putting Humpty Dumpty back together again.  This month, he was whole, all except one vital piece.  The piece we couldn't find.

That left him weak for this last fall, and now, all I can do is worry that he'll never be whole.

The Perfect Hiding Place {Writing Prompt}

Like most kids, at nine years old, I had a best friend.  At the time, she was really the only friend I had, to be honest.  Every afternoon after school, I would go to her house to play.  Her house was my sanctuary. I could listen to New Kids on the Block. I could play video games. Her family lived on a coul de sac full of other kids from school, so we would get together and play kick ball, chase, soft ball, and other childhood favorites.

Things I couldn’t do at home.  Friends didn’t come to my house.  I wasn’t allowed to listen to anything but country music, or wear fun clothes.  The neighborhood kids were all much older.  Playing at my friend’s house was the only time I had to be a kid.

Then, my parents did the un-thinkable.  They ripped me away from my entire life, and we moved to a new town, a new school, and a new life.  What’s worse, we moved from a thriving, busy metropolitan out to farm country with the world’s smallest school district, biggest yards, and fewest neighbors.  

 

I wish my nook looked this awesome.

Moving away from my sanctuary was a hard adjustment for me.  I had nowhere to hide and be a kid again. I couldn’t make new friends in such a small town.  All of these kids had been friends since birth.  I was the weird kid, the outsider. I promised myself and my parents that I would go back home.  That I would leave the one-horse-town our new home resided in, and go back to the city.  I just needed time to pack.  I needed to “iron out the details.”  

Once, during recess, a boy in my class told me that if I just followed the railroad tracks, they would lead my straight out of town.  He said I couldn’t get lost if I just stayed by the railroad tracks.  I thought about it.  I road in the bus past those railroad tracks every day on my way home from school.  I could just never get the courage.  I was a very compassionate person, even at such a young age. Every time I thought I had the courage up to leave, I would realize my birthday was coming up, or Christmas, or Mothers day.  I thought to myself, “If I left now, it would hurt them too much to enjoy the holiday.  I’ll wait until it’s over.” 

Needless to say, I never ran away from home.  I mean, where would I have gone?  Instead, I created a safe haven for myself.  I created my own little world that no one ever knew about in the back of my closet-complete with a reading lamp, my journal, my favorite pillow, and a stack of books that could take me anywhere I wanted to go.    Just like that, I had found my sanctuary-my perfect hiding place.  I spent every afternoon in there doing homework, reading books, and writing.  I like to think that is where my love of writing came from.  

Best of all, no one else knew it ever existed until just now.

These days, I no longer have a special hiding place in my closet.  I'd love to have my own little nook, even as an adult.  Of course, now, I'd settle for a great writing nook hidden in my closet! 

While I don't think this was officially part of Mamma Kat's writer's workshop, I did find this writing prompt on her blog and it inspired me!

Sure Enough, Snow..

Well, sure enough...we've got snow.  In late February even.  It started mid-morning yesterday and has been snowing off and on for the last 24 hours.  My front yard has turned into a bit of a winter wonderland.. It's quite beautiful, depending on your tastes.

My tastes change throughout the year.  Even a month ago, I would have thought this was beautiful.  I would have been thrilled at the chance to play in the snow and would have been drinking hot chocolate while watching it out the window.  Now, however? Now my inner Texan is kicking and screaming like a 2 year old in a candy aisle.

It's not supposed to snow in almost-March!  My body is aching for 70 degree weather and salty air. I want to buy tank tops and sandals again.  I want to need a reason to look good in a bikini again! I'm tired of hats (okay, not really!), long sleeve shirts, and layers. 

Oh, beautiful snow, I love you, but you're a little late this year.  Can you please let the sun come out to play?

The Bucket List

I know many bloggers and writers in general make a list of things they want to do in their life.  I finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and get mine down on paper, so I have something to hold myself accountable for.

So, here are the top 100 things I want to do before I'm too old to do them.  I'll keep this updated to the best of my abilities and mark things off as they are done.

1. Get Married
2. See the Pacific Ocean
3. See the Atlantic Ocean
4. Visit Europe
5. Visit Europe with my family
6. See a real castle
7. Go to Disney World
8. Go on a cruise
9. Write a book
10. Get published
11. Get a bachelors degree
12. Get a masters degree
13. Run a successful business
14. Buy a house
15. Start riding a bike as an adult
16. Have a kid
17. Accumulate frequent flyer miles (but first, learn how to accumulate frequent flyer miles)
18. See New England
19. Visit NYC
20. Have a well-known blog
21. Find more time to pamper myself
22. Cook a dish that impresses "foodies"
23. Have my products featured in a magazine
24. Learn how to take photographer-worthy photos
25. Plant and tend to a flower garden
26. Plant and tend to a fruit/veggie garden
27. Landscape a yard
28. Have a home that people enjoy visiting
29. Have articles published in a magazine
30. Get a dog
31. Do a hiking trip that lasts at least 2 days
32. Learn to spin yarn
33. Learn to dye yarn
34. Learn to sew
35. Sew an outfit
36. Get my products into a store
37. Look good in a bathing suit again
38. Learn how to navigate without GPS
39. Have a 100% hand-made Christmas
40. Make hats for chemo patients
41. Build a tree-house/fort for my kids (or have W build it)
42. See Hawaii
43. Take a road-trip across the country in our bus
44. Visit Canada
45. Have a "trash the dress" photo shoot
46. Renew our vows
47. Go on a (late) honeymoon
48. Vacation somewhere "all inclusive"
49. Get paid to write on a regular basis
50. Have a second kid
51. Visit the Carolinas with my family
52. Get down below my wedding day weight
53. Go camping with my family
54. Have an organized work space/craft room
55. Hire a cleaning service
56. Be able to afford good schools for my kids
57. Help support my family
58. Learn to speak a foreign language fluently
59. Backpack across Europe
60. Teach someone how to do a craft
61. Celebrate a 10 year anniversary with Willie
62. Celebrate 25+ years with Willie
63. Be known for something positive I have accomplished
64. Hire an interior designer
65. Join a book club

Wanderlust

Kalaloch, WA

My whole life, I have always had the distinct feeling that the grass would be greener on the other side.  I always felt like there was somewhere else I should be; somewhere bigger and better.  I was a big traveler, heading out to big cities and exotic places.  Every time I went somewhere new, I started daydreaming of living there.  Then, I moved here and it all changed.  I feel like from the moment I arrived in Washington, I knew I had finally found a place to settle down.  As it turns out, the grass really is greener here.  So are the trees.  It must be all of the rain.

For the first time in my life, there is no where I'd rather be.  My wanderlust has finally been satisfied.  Sure, I get homesick-quite frequently as a matter of fact, but I have no desire to leave here now, or any time soon.

Ironically, for the first time in my life, the decision is not entirely in my hands.  I've mentioned before the struggles we've faced since moving here.  It's been a hard  (almost) three years here, and we're reaching the end of a very long journey that has left us achy and tired, and ready for a nice big meal.  In other words, Willie is almost done with school, and the job searching has begun.

While he's searching, the reality is hitting the two of us like a ton of bricks.  This is it. It's basically our last chance.  He's gone back to school. We've made the required sacrifices. We've (well, he's) worked the odd jobs and gone without insurance, all to make this happen.  This is the end of the road.  We've already decided that if-after all of this-he is still unable to find the appropriate work for someone with his education and experience here, we'll have to expand the job search as far as it will reach.

The idea saddens me.  I can't imagine leaving here.  By the time all of this works out, we will have been here for three years.  That's the longest I've lived anywhere other than the place I grew up, and even then I left as soon as I had graduated!

Seattle skyline at twilight, seen from West Seattle

Of course, this is the worst-case scenario. We've still got our hopes high that the area will prove as fruitful as we'd imagined when we first set our sights on the northwest.  Still, it never hurts to be prepared for all the possibilities.  In that mindset, I've been slowly coming to grips with the fact that I may have to say good-bye soon to a place that has finally felt like home.  It's left me a bit withdrawn and cranky. 

This is not like me, though.  I don't really know how to react to the idea of leaving a place before I'm ready.  Last week, for example, we had to come up with a list of the top ten places we would be willing to transfer for a job.  Yes, top ten places we would transfer.  It's a pretty impressive job, too, so of course we came up with a list of places we would like to see.  After all, this was our agreement when we decided to move here.  We had to allow it to be a temporary home if necessary.  We have no true roots holding us here, so we must be willing to go where we can find a decent income.  The only problem is, neither of us expected to become this attached to a place where we knew no one two and a half years ago.

Bachelors Degree in Thriftiness

Like everyone else, my family has been hit pretty hard with the economy the last few years.  Regardless, we made it work.  We scrimped and saved and we've gone with only one car for the last three years now. 

See, the economy took a dive right before Willie got out of the air force and we moved across country. Despite our high hopes, Willie was unable to get a job in even a similar field of work since we've moved here.  I won't give you the exact figures, of course, but let's just say we've grown used to living on about a third of what we should be, with an extra mouth to feed even!

It's been hard, to say the least.  It's been a lot of sacrifices and prioritizing. I mentioned the other day that it's almost my turn to go back to school.  I don't know why, since I've certainly had the longest course ever in living a thrifty life.  I should be getting my bachelors degree in thriftiness any day now.

source

Our biggest problem area, like most families, is groceries. I've had to learn to stick to a list.  I mean, wow! I never realized how many pointless things we bought before, but even now if I don't make a list, I watch our total quickly exceed what it should.  My trick is to plan 8-9 dinners for 2 weeks.  I know that sounds wrong, but when you shop using whole ingredients rather than boxes, it lasts so much longer! For example, if I want to make chicken and broccoli Alfredo, I would buy frozen chicken breasts (or a whole chicken), a couple of heads of broccoli, a box of pasta, Parmesan cheese, butter, and heavy cream.  I'm certainly not going to use a whole chicken or an entire package of butter. I most likely won't use all of the Parmesan or pasta either since my family eats maybe half a box of pasta.  See? Now I have all of these extra ingredients for another meal!

As of this week, I've even begun using coupons.  In fact, Saturday I sent Willie out on our very first coupon run.  I need to re-install the printer program on my computer since I had to wipe it clean recently, but I found cellfire.com thanks to a friend.  This site lets you register your store rewards cards for the grocery stores you frequent, and you load coupons right onto your rewards card.  It's awesome! You just let them scan your card during check out like always and the coupons are automatically deducted from your total. Isn't that amazing?! I never thought I would be the type to use coupons, but after talking to so many people that get things practically for free, I decided I must try it! This week's grocery shopping trip will most definitely include as many coupons as I can get my hands on.  It's time for me to take that step and save even more money.

Anyway, hopefully by including coupons into my weekly shopping, I can save even more money, therefore putting more money in our pockets. In a way, it's almost like getting a pay raise! Until there is an actual pay raise in our future, we'll just have to stick with our thriftiness.  Maybe this is supposed to be a life lesson.  It's better that I learn this now, when we don't have money so that I can continue to use it one day when we are  both working and bringing in a good paycheck, right?

When I Grow Up

Do you remember when you were a child, and grown-ups would always ask what you wanted to be when you grew up? Do you remember any of your answers?

I'm reading a book for Addie called Taming the Spirited Child (more on that another time), and the author talks about helping spirited children find their passion in order to meet their full potential.  In this chapter, the author mentions asking children what they want to be when they grow up, and expanding on that to support their interests. It's supposed to make them more focused and give them direction later in life, even if it is a different direction.

This chapter got me thinking about what I always wanted to be.  I came up with nothing. Not a single inkling as to what my childhood aspirations were.  Did I want to be a doctor? A lawyer? A princess? I have no idea!

An interesting fact about this is that I also feel I've never had any direction.  The road that travels through my teen and young adult years is long and winding, often going in complete circles just to bring me somewhere I've already been.  It's no wonder I have no career or goals.  I've never been able to settle on anything for longer than a minute.

I do realize that most people don't even end up doing what they said they would as a child.  As you grow up, the curtain lifts and you see the not-so-glamorous side of those dreams.  Maybe you chose another dream, and another, until you finally found one and stuck with it.  Maybe your childhood dreams had absolutely nothing to do with your career now. Money and power can be great motivators.

I feel like I must have been asked this question a million times as a child. It's almost time for me to go back to school, and while I'm still looking at my options, I feel as though my hand has already been dealt.  I waited too long to go back to school. I feel like now it's just time to find a degree that will land me a title rather than a dream job. So now I have to figure out, what do I want to be when I grow up?

Back in the Saddle Again

You heard me right.  I plan to get back in the blogging saddle.

I've missed blogging.  I thought my first post back on the blog should be a bit of an update for you.  The last few months have just gone by in a blur. To be truthful, I'm kind of wondering what happened to summer?

So let's see.  You all know I started my own business last November.  Starting this past spring, it really began to take off, and this summer, I began participating as a vendor in the local crafts market.

It's been a fun ride, but a fast one. Once I started in June, it's basically all I could think about until about a month ago.  I'm now on a break, but I'm still trying to really bulk up my selections for next year which will hopefully start slowly in March and build steam until the summer.  I don't plan to do as much during the holiday season though. Surprisingly, that was the worst for me! I've been offering more and more adult selections, although if you look at my shop, I still don't have many listed. That will be changing soon! In the meantime, you can check my fan page and see some of my custom pieces, or just email me and ask if I can make something if you have an idea of what you'd like in mind!

I did also start a CUTEure Blog but wow. If you think this blog has been abandoned, just go check out that one! I'm still trying to figure out what people want from that blog. Free patterns? Crochet tips and tricks? Shop updates? Articles on how to sell on etsy vs craft shows? No idea. I have a hard time considering myself informed in any field so writing informative posts has always been hard for me! If you have any suggestions on what you'd like to see on that blog, feel free to tell me!

In my personal life, things have been going well.  We've switched Addie over to a toddler bed (which was a hard transition!) and this past week we began potty training her (which has been as easy as the toddler bed was hard).  Within a week she has almost no accidents! I will write a detailed post about how we did it this week.

We also bought a bus! So far, it hasn't been much fun .  We bought it with the intention of using it for my last couple of shows last season (the last of which would have been a ton easier if  I could have camped out there.  Unfortunately, as these things go, it has required a lot more work than we were forewarned about.  We've already put several hundred dollars and a few weeks worth of solid work into it, only to have it drive around the block once and then throw a rod in the engine! For those of you that know as much about engines as I do, that's not a good thing.  The engine is now going to require a total rebuild (we think) which could cost more than we paid for it in the first place! What a bummer.  We're going to try and just look for a re-built engine that we can put in it for now so we can enjoy the bus, and then Willie can slowly focus on re-building the one we have now for a back up.

Otherwise, there is not much going on.  I've been in a writing slump. As much as I've wanted to get on here and write a post, I just couldn't muster the motivation and time to do it. Hopefully, this time I can get more regular.  I'm still learning to manage my time and commitments with the semi-new business and family life.  I've deserted half of my friends, and poor Addie went through a few weeks of lock down due to me just forgetting that we needed a life!

I think that's about it for an update.  I mean it's a "quick-get-you-up-to-date" sort of update and not a long drawn out story about the last few months that would take a super long time to read and write, but hey, I wrote a blog post.  I'm proud of myself!

A Bad Post...

To be honest, lately I haven't been in a good place.

I feel sort of invisible. Even when people see me. Even when they talk to me.  I feel like my opinions and my knowledge don't matter. Like I have nothing to bring to the table. 

I feel like I'm clinging to friendships I lost years ago.  I feel like if I didn't make an effort on my end, communication with many people would be non-existent. 

I feel unimportant, and sort of lame.

I feel like it's showing in everything I do now.  In the way I approach situations. In the way I approach friends.

I feel like my stress level is way up from where it should be, and that I snap way too often.

I feel like I want to do something about it, but the harder I try, the more invisible I become. The less people notice.

Thank you to the few who do notice me, and what I have to bring to the table.

Thank you for valuing my opinions and ideas.

Thank you for noticing what I do right, instead of only what I do poorly.

Sorry it's not a happy post.  Sorry it's not poetic.


Sorry it's the first post of the month on a flat note.


It's just something I needed to get off my chest.

Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes!

This week (Mother's Day to be exact) marks our two-year anniversary in the Pacific Northwest.  It's a big occasion! 

They say time flies when you're having fun.  It sure does.  Time flies so fast it looks like a red streak zipping down the road in front of you.  Has it really been two years?  I still feel like such a new kid here.  I still feel  like I have a lot to learn.  I'm not part of the crowd yet.  We're still not really settled.

I believe that is partly due to how much life keeps changing for us.  We arrived in Washington this time two years ago cold, scared, and 13 weeks pregnant with Addie.  We didn't know anyone except my aunt-who I barely knew at the time.  I was so nervous to get our lives started.  I mean, that's why we moved here, right? To get our lives started again.  To start over.

Two years ago today, we were both unemployed, but confident that the hefty sum of money we were sent here with would hold out until we started making better money. It did, but only by us settling.  The market is just not there right now.  Willie finally found a job only remotely related to his field working for Sears.  He made decent money, but at what cost? I never saw him.

Almost a year later, we couldn't take it anymore.  We were both tired of waiting for our lives to start, so Willie decided to go back to school.  He took on a 3 month certificate program to get him into a hospital in a kinder work environment and enrolled in a nursing program so he could find a job that was in demand.  He's been at it for almost a year now (again).  People still laugh at us at what a drastic change we went through for Willie's career, but it's what we had to do at the time to get out of the hole we were digging ourselves deeper and deeper into.

Ch-ch-ch-ch-changes!

Things are changing again.  Two weeks ago, Willie told me he was not sure he was happy on his current path.  He really wants to go back to working in electronics, so me being the supportive wife I am, agreed with this (I thought he enjoyed it more anyway).  Yesterday he got accepted into a college in Bremerton to get his associates degree in Electronic engineering.  We'll see in the next week or two how long that will take considering all of his military training and classes along with what he's already taken in college so far.  We're hoping for a year or less!

So, yes, we are facing more changes in our lives.  A song quote I have always loved is that "the only thing that stays the same is that everything changes."  Boy is that right.

We've faced many, many changes in the last two years, and there are many, many more changes waiting for us in our future.