Now and Then - Camping with Toddlers

So sorry for the huge delay in blogging.  I really feel like I'm neglecting my dear readers that actually take the time to read!

This month has been crazy hectic with my shop.  The first half of the month was spent in a crocheting frenzy stressing out about show #3 (which was a big bust!), then I went out of town for a little over a week for my show and a trip.  That's right.  It's the time of year for the "H&C" annual camping trip on the coast!  This year, we were camping with toddlers!  The majority of the trip was spent talking about the differences from last years trip.  Last  year, Addie and Loren were just learning to stand up.  In fact, I believe they both stood unsupported for the first time during our trip!  They were just babies then.  We took 10 month pictures of the girls on that trip.

This year, we could barely get them to sit still.  Well, for part of the trip Addie had the flu (fairly mild, though. We thought it was a stomach bug until Willie caught it this week!), but while they were both active and feeling well, it was a pretty fun time.

Here's a few photos to show off our activities and what a difference a year makes with kids.

Addie and Loren in the tent last year

Addie and Loren in the RV this year

Addie and Loren playing on the beach last year

Addie and Loren playing on the beach this year

A comparison photo!

We knew during our trip that the differences were major, but until I looked back through photos from last year, I hadn't realized exactly how much had changed, or how much had stayed the same.

This Must be Why They Call Me Crazy

Have you ever noticed with your mom friends that there seems to be 3 different groups of moms?

You've got the Group One over "here" that has 2 or 3 kids already, all close in age, along with the moms that plan to have 2-3 kids within the next couple of years.  They think this is a great idea.  They think "this way, I can get all of the diapers, sleepless nights, childbirth, and pregnancy over with all at once and move onto the fun times." Before I had Addie, I was part of this group.  This group that wanted to get this part of child raising over with all at once.  It's not that they don't enjoy this part of being a mom, they just want to go through all of the stages as few times as possible. 

Group Two, on the other hand, is over there on the other side of the room.  They've each got 1 toddler running around.  This is the group for only children, right? Wrong.  Well, technically they are still the only child, but Mom plans to have more.  Eventually.  You know, once their first kid gets a little older, a little more independent, maybe even starts kindergarten.  Group One looks at these moms like they are crazy.  They think "how could you want to start completely over after so long?!" In a way, they are right.  Essentially, you are starting over with a new baby once your mind and body are out of practice.  There are the pro's to this group, though.  Your body has more time to heal, the older child can "help out", you get some one-on-one time with the new baby to bond while your oldest is at school.

Then, you've also got Group Three. This group has been there, done that, and got a post card.  They don't need to go back.  They're done.  They've got their child.  He's perfect in every way, how could they possibly try to create perfection twice? Okay, maybe that's not really what they're thinking, but for one reason or another, they only want their one child.  Group One and Group Two don't understand it, but hey, who are they to say how to live your life, right?

Before I had Addie, I was part of Group One.  I figured it would be easier, they would be closer, and I could be "done" all at once.  This seems to be the most popular group.  Maybe that's because people are having kids later in life.  Maybe it's the high-powered careers more women have. Who knows.  All I know is that this is the going thought nowadays.

After having Addie, though, I slowly found myself joining Group Two.  I just wasn't ready to do it all over again.  As the time came to start talking about "trying" again, Willie and I both found ourselves avoiding it at all costs. Neither of us were ready.  We decided to wait a few years.  We're young, after all.  What's the rush? We'll wait until we're ready and we've got more income.

Once I started sharing this idea with others from Group One, I started getting these looks.  Looks that silently say you're crazy.  Out loud they would say something like "Oh wow! I don't know if I could do it all over again in a few years. I really want my kids close in age."  Sure, I know what you're saying behind those words.  You know what though? I'm starting to believe you.

Maybe I am crazy.  Maybe all those moms in Group One actually had it right, because let me tell you.  Once you hit those terrible two's, you kind of don't want to start over.  At least I don't.

Addie isn't even one of the really bad kids, either! She just won't do time outs.  Trust me.  We've tried it all, from standing behind her to make her not move, to re-starting a timer, and even using her bedroom! It just hasn't been working.  I have her say "sorry" and talk to her about her time out when she's done.  She won't do it.  When she does say sorry, she turns around and hits/pushes/bites immediately afterward so she ends up in another time out.  I know right now some of it has to do with her molars, but come on!!  How much more of this am I expected to take?! It's just been pretty intense.  We've had some discussions lately and we're trying some new things-one of which is less working during the day and more Addie time.  So far, it seems to be helping.

Either way, the thought of another toddler right now sort of scares me. If Addie is one of the easy ones, what will I do if my next kid is one of the hard ones?!  Maybe this is why they call me crazy.  Maybe they knew all along that the reason Group Two is so unpopular is because after the terrible two's, those moms start joining Group Three without batting an eye.  I know I sure find them appealing! I mean, hey! Two parents vs. One kid.  That sounds like a fair match to me!!

Discipline for the Three of Us

If you read my blog semi-regularly, you've probably deduced that I do not just show the perfect side of my life.  I feel like this is the place I want moms to be able to come and see that they are not alone in their parenting struggles.  So, here I am, about to share my newest and most frustrating parenting struggle.

Addie won't take a time out to save her life.  I tried everything to get her to realize that this is not play time.  She just continues hitting/biting/screaming/throwing as soon as she gets out, because apparently my reaction is funny.  I've tried different reactions: calm and collected, angry and yelling, sad and hurt. 

We've been battling the time out issue for a few months now, right around the time that it became necessary to teach her right and wrong.  All of my other mommy friends seem to have flown through this transition easily, giving me the advice of "If she runs out of time out, just put her back and make her stay there until her time is up."  and "All kids run out of time out at first, you have to teach her that that is not okay, even if it means you have to stand behind her the first few times and make sure she doesn't move."  The thing is, even after months of time outs, Addie still runs right out.  Nothing I have done will make her stay in time out.  Eventually, we came up with the rule that after she ran out of time out 3 times, we put her in her room with the door closed until her time out was done.  This worked really well for awhile, but it may have hurt us in the long run.  Now, Addie can reach on top of her shelves and dresser, and can open the door and come out. That means even if I put a spinny-thing on her door knob or stand on the other side holding the door closed, she can still get into things to entertain herself in her room.

When good girls stay in time out, they get special tattoo stickers as a reward! Can you be a good girl in time out?

Tonight though, after a friend seeing just how out of hand our time out situation is, I had to come up with a new plan. I mean, she recommended that I watch Nanny 911.  Things can't be so out of control that I need Nanny 911.  They just can't.  I can't be at that point, because that means I'm one of those parents that doesn't have control of her child. I can't be that mom.

Once Addie went to bed, I opened up the trusty Google.com website and typed in "toddler time outs".  A whole slew of websites came up, so I decided to go with the site I trusted in the newborn stage.  I needed something that wasn't a parenting forum, I just wanted advice this time straight from the experts.  Advice from other parents hasn't worked so far in this situation, so why turn to virtual moms, right? (no offense).

I found this article called "Time-Outs: How to Make Them Work".  It looked perfect, and you know what? It may be perfect.  The second paragraph almost made me cry tears of relief that I wasn't alone.

Because toddlers find it hard to sit still, trying to make your little one stay in a certain place for a prescribed length of time may well disintegrate into a chase scene. Here's what happens: Your child runs away from his time-out spot. You catch him, then struggle to make him stay in one place. You threaten, he laughs, delighted with this new game — or cries, frustrated by the requirement. You grab, he bolts. Meanwhile, because he has a short attention span, your toddler forgets why you wanted him to sit still in the first place. Instead of helping your child regain his self-control, you find yourself in a power struggle.

This is it! This is exactly what happens in our house! So it is normal!

According to the article, this scene means that your child is not developmentally ready for a traditional time out.  Instead, they recommend things called "positive time out," meaning you just remove them from the frustrating situation and have time to calm down together.  Things like reading a book or doing a puzzle or listening to calming music.  The main goal is to allow both of you a minute or two to calm down and stop focusing on the "bad" activity.

The article reminds you right away that time out is not a punishment, but "an opportunity for your child to learn how to cope with frustration and modify his behavior."   It stresses that this is a more positive way to discipline and teach, rather than yelling and spanking which are considered more negative attention.

I honestly don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.  It fits so well with how I've parented from the beginning.  It will take some patience and practice, but Willie and I have come up with a new game plan.

Based on what we read tonight, we are going to give up on the traditional time outs for now.  When Addie gets out of hand, we will try reading a book or going to another room for some quiet time together first.  We will both practice not yelling and raising our temper at her over typical toddler behavior, because we don't want to encourage negative attention.

In return, we have also talked and decided that we need to go back to taking a more active role in our parenting.  I think during all of our hard times during the first year, we got so excited once Addie could entertain herself that we both backed away and "took a break."  I feel awful admitting it, but often at home I just leave Addie to her toys and do my thing, be it shop work or chores around the house.  I get frustrated when she wants attention from me, and tell her to go play.  I toss out some crayons or crackers and continue what I was doing. 

Working from home-especially working on my own business-is very stressful and time consuming, and it's beginning to show.  My life feels a little out of control lately in many aspects.  It's time to get back to the basics.  I'm going to be setting times to work, and times to play.  I'm going to come up with activities to do with Addie, and we'll have some structured play time in our day again.  After all, what is the point of staying home with my daughter if I don't take the time to enjoy it?

So, I felt like I needed to lay all of this out in the open.  This is my new promise to myself, and I feel like laying it all out here on my blog will help hold myself accountable.

Knitting!

Well, I promised myself (and all of you), that I would learn to knit.

I got started shortly after that attempting a pattern for a rolled brim beanie.  Let's just say it was a major fail.  Not because I can't handle knitting or anything, just because I didn't have the right needle, and-quite honestly-I may have been getting ahead of myself on stitch techniques.

The pattern called for a stockinette stitch, which is where you knit one row, turn, and purl the next row.  For those of you that don't know the first thing about knit, that's when all of those little "v" stitches line up on one side.  Really, this should be simple.  I mean knitting is two stitches.  That's it.  That's all I need to learn..well, apparently that and how to count and pay attention.

My problem with the stockinette stitch was that I kept losing track of what row I was on.  Was I supposed to knit or purl? Who knows! So it got really random.  After about 15 rows I looked down and noticed that my hat was taking on a pattern that it shouldn't have. Hmm...I ripped out the rows, and then realized I didn't know how to pick the stitches back up and start from there.

I ended up giving up the hat, swearing that I would come back and work on it again after my Port Townsend show.  Well, that show was last weekend!

I did pick up the knitting needles again, I'm proud to say.  Only this time, I decided to start with a very basic knit item.  A garter stitch scarf.  I learned the process through my Stitch n Bitch book.  It's actually the first thing she suggests you make...but you know me!

So, even though I decided to go back and do this very basic pattern that I was sure I would hate by the end of it, I still chose to make some changes.  Again, you know me!!  I can't make anything as simple as it should be.  The pattern in the book called for huge ginormous needles and extra bulky yarn, neither of which I had on hand.  I'm not about to go out and buy knitting supplies until I get into it.  I didn't with crochet, and I won't with knitting!  So, I decided to go with some yarn I had left over from making some newborn cocoon bowls and size 10 needles instead.

For this scarf, I wanted something big and bulky.  I cast on 30 to make this scarf extra wide, and I am now knitting every row in a garter stitch.  I'm so proud of myself! As you can see, I've even changed colors.  Successfully.

Now the weather just needs to cool off some so I can wrap this around my neck and enjoy my hard work. 

CUTEure Blog

Finally! My new blog is up and running.  Feel free to head over there and "follow." I'll love you for a super long time if you do :)

http://www.CUTEureCreations.blogspot.com

xoxo

How Do I Do it All?

Wow, it's been two weeks since my last post.  Well, so much for that goal of writing at least twice a week.  That lasted...uhh...a week?

These days, I keep finding myself thinking of that part in Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban.  You know the part where Hermione breaks out the necklace that let's her be in multiple places at once and travel backwards in time?  I so need one of those.  Maybe then I would write more.

You see, I want to blog.  Really and truly.  I've blogged in my head so many times the last few weeks and then written on my mental checklist, remember to blog.  The only thing is, I forget what I wanted to write by the time I get a chance to really sit down and think.

I get very few "free" hours in my day.  More than some, less than others. Unfortunately, during those few "free" hours, I have so many things I want and need to get done that I've had to prioritize way more than I'd like.  I mean, really.  Addie falls asleep and Willie runs off to work and I feel like my brain is going to explode with the to-do list that pops into it at that very moment:

I've got to get as much stock pumped out as humanly possible before August 21st, but oh wait I have all of these new ideas in my head that I want to make, don't forget you really need to blog.  Oh but your etsy team blog is being neglected as well, and you still haven't made a team treasury for this month. Don't forget Mom's birthday! Weren't you going to make her some booties? Mt. Fold-Me is starting to rumble...I fear it will explode off the couch any day now, but what's that smell in the kitchen? Man, I guess I need to do the dishes.  If I'm going to do the dishes I should really give the kitchen a really thorough cleaning.  I mean, then I could go ahead and vacuum too...oh wait...I'd have to clean up all of these toys first. Where is the cat? I hope he didn't get out again. Oh boy speaking of getting out, we've got to get groceries I should probably make a list.  It looks nice out today, it would be a great day for Addie to wear that dress that I never made.  Screw it. Nap time's over now anyway.

A lot of people ask me how I do it all.  You know, the blog, the pictures, the house, the kid, the cooking, the cleaning, the baking, the business, the play dates, the social life, the entertaining, the hiking trips, the marriage....

Truth is...I don't.  I don't even make a dent in it all.  Most days it's just priorities and what my mom calls the "flight of the bumblebee" when I realize company is coming over.  I take care of the priorities; my daughter, my husband, my business, and living our lives.  The rest of it I usually just hope will fall into place on it's own.  Usually it does...at least somewhat.  Just...don't surprise me with a spontaneous visit.  That would just be embarrassing.

No TV in the Bedroom!

For as long as I can remember, I have always had a TV in my bedroom.  I've always watched it at night, despite all of the studies that say you sleep better without noise and light (dare I say...duh!).

Anyway, I've always had one.  There was a really small amount of time while living with Willie before he went onto night shift where I didn't use the TV since he "couldn't sleep."  He was with me though.  I wasn't alone, so it didn't bother me.  There were also those few weeks where Addie slept in our room as a newborn and we didn't use the TV.  Otherwise though, when I'm alone, it's become a sort of security blanket.  I turn on F.R.I.E.N.D.S and snooze away to laugh tracks, jokes, and familiar voices.  I don't know what it is.  I swear I'm not obsessed with the show, it's just the only show I enjoy that doesn't have an irritating sound track on the disk that wakes me up (at least most of the time).

After awhile, Willie got used to it.  He dealt with it and learned to sleep through the noise and light.  It's actually proven beneficial for him.  Sleeping during the day with a toddler on the loose would probably be more irritating without some sort of tolerance to back ground noise.

Unfortunately,  my sleep has been erratic at best lately.  I wake up tired and sore. I toss and turn all night on my Tempur-Pedic mattress and pillows.  I've been feeling it more and more with all of the extra pressure I'm putting on myself lately.  This past Wednesday, while Willie was off of work, he asked if we could just not turn the TV on.  Apparently he's been sleeping poorly as well.  So, the TV stayed off. All night.

The next night-Thursday, Willie was back at work.  I decided to give it a try again.  Wednesday had been the best sleep I'd had in months.  It was either the Tylenol or the TV.  I was doing an experiment.  I had an amazing nights sleep!  Again!  Last night was night 4.  It's getting easier.  I actually read a bit before bed to clear my mind.  I don't wake up all night to re-start a disk when the music gets old, or turn down the TV if it's waking me up.

I'm so proud of myself! Twenty Something years old and I finally got rid of my "security blanket." I can really, truly be alone while I sleep.  I even took the DVD player out of the bedroom so I don't get tempted.  We have no cable hooked up in that room so really DVD's would be my only option, so I know I'll stick with it now!

I am just so proud of this personal growth to be able to quit a habit so ingrained in my routine so easily.  I mean, seriously, I don't remember ever not having a TV in my room, even when I lived at home.  This is really something.