Discipline for the Three of Us

If you read my blog semi-regularly, you've probably deduced that I do not just show the perfect side of my life.  I feel like this is the place I want moms to be able to come and see that they are not alone in their parenting struggles.  So, here I am, about to share my newest and most frustrating parenting struggle.

Addie won't take a time out to save her life.  I tried everything to get her to realize that this is not play time.  She just continues hitting/biting/screaming/throwing as soon as she gets out, because apparently my reaction is funny.  I've tried different reactions: calm and collected, angry and yelling, sad and hurt. 

We've been battling the time out issue for a few months now, right around the time that it became necessary to teach her right and wrong.  All of my other mommy friends seem to have flown through this transition easily, giving me the advice of "If she runs out of time out, just put her back and make her stay there until her time is up."  and "All kids run out of time out at first, you have to teach her that that is not okay, even if it means you have to stand behind her the first few times and make sure she doesn't move."  The thing is, even after months of time outs, Addie still runs right out.  Nothing I have done will make her stay in time out.  Eventually, we came up with the rule that after she ran out of time out 3 times, we put her in her room with the door closed until her time out was done.  This worked really well for awhile, but it may have hurt us in the long run.  Now, Addie can reach on top of her shelves and dresser, and can open the door and come out. That means even if I put a spinny-thing on her door knob or stand on the other side holding the door closed, she can still get into things to entertain herself in her room.

When good girls stay in time out, they get special tattoo stickers as a reward! Can you be a good girl in time out?

Tonight though, after a friend seeing just how out of hand our time out situation is, I had to come up with a new plan. I mean, she recommended that I watch Nanny 911.  Things can't be so out of control that I need Nanny 911.  They just can't.  I can't be at that point, because that means I'm one of those parents that doesn't have control of her child. I can't be that mom.

Once Addie went to bed, I opened up the trusty Google.com website and typed in "toddler time outs".  A whole slew of websites came up, so I decided to go with the site I trusted in the newborn stage.  I needed something that wasn't a parenting forum, I just wanted advice this time straight from the experts.  Advice from other parents hasn't worked so far in this situation, so why turn to virtual moms, right? (no offense).

I found this article called "Time-Outs: How to Make Them Work".  It looked perfect, and you know what? It may be perfect.  The second paragraph almost made me cry tears of relief that I wasn't alone.

Because toddlers find it hard to sit still, trying to make your little one stay in a certain place for a prescribed length of time may well disintegrate into a chase scene. Here's what happens: Your child runs away from his time-out spot. You catch him, then struggle to make him stay in one place. You threaten, he laughs, delighted with this new game — or cries, frustrated by the requirement. You grab, he bolts. Meanwhile, because he has a short attention span, your toddler forgets why you wanted him to sit still in the first place. Instead of helping your child regain his self-control, you find yourself in a power struggle.

This is it! This is exactly what happens in our house! So it is normal!

According to the article, this scene means that your child is not developmentally ready for a traditional time out.  Instead, they recommend things called "positive time out," meaning you just remove them from the frustrating situation and have time to calm down together.  Things like reading a book or doing a puzzle or listening to calming music.  The main goal is to allow both of you a minute or two to calm down and stop focusing on the "bad" activity.

The article reminds you right away that time out is not a punishment, but "an opportunity for your child to learn how to cope with frustration and modify his behavior."   It stresses that this is a more positive way to discipline and teach, rather than yelling and spanking which are considered more negative attention.

I honestly don't know why I didn't think of this sooner.  It fits so well with how I've parented from the beginning.  It will take some patience and practice, but Willie and I have come up with a new game plan.

Based on what we read tonight, we are going to give up on the traditional time outs for now.  When Addie gets out of hand, we will try reading a book or going to another room for some quiet time together first.  We will both practice not yelling and raising our temper at her over typical toddler behavior, because we don't want to encourage negative attention.

In return, we have also talked and decided that we need to go back to taking a more active role in our parenting.  I think during all of our hard times during the first year, we got so excited once Addie could entertain herself that we both backed away and "took a break."  I feel awful admitting it, but often at home I just leave Addie to her toys and do my thing, be it shop work or chores around the house.  I get frustrated when she wants attention from me, and tell her to go play.  I toss out some crayons or crackers and continue what I was doing. 

Working from home-especially working on my own business-is very stressful and time consuming, and it's beginning to show.  My life feels a little out of control lately in many aspects.  It's time to get back to the basics.  I'm going to be setting times to work, and times to play.  I'm going to come up with activities to do with Addie, and we'll have some structured play time in our day again.  After all, what is the point of staying home with my daughter if I don't take the time to enjoy it?

So, I felt like I needed to lay all of this out in the open.  This is my new promise to myself, and I feel like laying it all out here on my blog will help hold myself accountable.

I Can't Believe It!!

Dear readers,

The day finally came!  My daughter is no longer The Girl Who Cried Teeth.  Two days ago, the cutest little tooth you've ever seen erupted from the gums.  Now, let the fun begin.  Bring on the teething.  I can handle it if I know there will be an outcome!

Where's the picture of the cutest tooth in the world, you ask? Well, here's the problem.  My daughter seems to have more tongue than will fit in her mouth, so none of the tricks to get her to flash that pearly white for the camera seem to be doing the trick.  I believe the only way I will get a picture is to hold her down kicking and screaming, which, I just don't want to do.  There is hope, though!  Eventually I will be quick enough with the shutter to capture that elusive little tooth and show it off to the world! Patience is the key!!

Sincerely,

Your Friendly Mommy Blogger

Unloading on You

I really have to tell everyone that reads my words how grateful I am to have this outlet.  If I didn't have it, I might scream some days.  Today is one of those days. Consider yourselves warned, and proceed with caution.

Addie is teething.  Again.  I am so sick of her teething, and no one seems to understand our situation.  If Addie teethed like a "normal" baby, I would not be frustrated.  With "normal" babies, you have a week or so of erratic sleep, extra drool, loss of appetite, and irritability.  With Addie, we've had 8 months on and off of this pattern.  Every week is a new surprise.

For those of you that don't know, she started teething at two-and-a-half months old.  Yes, this is pediatrician verified.  She is now almost 11-months-old and still has no teeth! None!  For the past eight months, every few weeks we have had teething symptoms, getting progressively worse and worse each time.

When I was a kid, my dentist told me I had "floaters" for teeth.  In fact, I still had baby teeth at the age of 20 that had to be pulled.  My adult teeth took forever to come in.  I would have a few weeks of pressure which would loosen the baby teeth, then the tooth would recede and the pressure would go away again.  It seems that Addie has this same "issue."

The positive side of this is that she apparently has my teeth.  That is a good thing in the long run seeing as how I've never had a cavity or real dental surgery (<--FYI: getting baby teeth pulled by a dentist at 20 does not count as real dental surgery).  The negative side to this is that she has been teething for 8 months!!!

As of yesterday, we are in the throws of yet another teething spell.  She's extra clingy, fussy, waking up during the night and early in the morning, and just plain not feeling well.  I don't like it! I don't like waking up unsure of which Addie I will see that day.  I don't like not knowing even about what time I will get woken up in the morning.  I don't like having a child that is overtired from lack of a good night's rest.

If this was any other baby, I would say "Okay, things will go back to normal after her teeth come through," and that would be enough to make me chill out.  With Addie, though, it's not.  Who knows when these teeth are going to pop through?! How many more weeks can I get surprised with erratic sleep and a fussy baby.  How much longer can I go knowing we only have a few days of "normal" at a time?!  What's worse is...everyone says the first teeth are the hardest.  Everyone also says that about their child that teethed within the "normal" time frame.  How will it actually be for Addie?

I have even had people that had the nerve to ask if I was sure my child was teething.  It took everything I had not to yell "Yes, you idiot!  I know what a teething baby looks like.  Her pediatrician knows what a teething baby looks like! Do you think I just pulled this explanation for excessive drool out of my arse?!"  (<---Seriously?? Who asks a mother this?!).  If I hear one more time that she will get her teeth eventually and that she will not go off to college with dentures I'm going to lose it.  Seriously.  I'm ready for some sleep.  I'm ready to experience what it's like when my child isn't teething!

I'm ready to see some results already!!!

End rant.

The girl who cried wolf teeth..

My daughter has been teething ever since she was 2 1/2 months old. No kidding, we saw two little bumps emerge from her gums on Valentine's day, 2009. We thought, surely this is a sign that she will get her teeth early. The doctor must be crazy thinking she could still not get her teeth until 6 or 7 months old. Every morning I woke up checking her gums. Every morning I was disappointed to find that the bumps hadn't changed.

I can't tell you how many times she threw a tantrum due to being overtired (or worse-underfed which was hidden under our delusion that she was a bad teether) and we just said "oh, these teeth will be here any day now..."

One month passed. Then two...then 5 more...yes, five more months had passed since we first spotted teething symptoms. Seven months total have passed since we first said "Any day now..." I can't count how many times I told my family and friends "This is definitely her teeth. I think she will be done with this finally in a few days," just to be disappointed once again when nothing happened a week later.

For the past couple of weeks now, we have been seeing an alarming number of teething symptoms from this little girl, but I have been reluctant to expect any pearly whites come morning. We are on our second diaper rash, unbelievable drooling, a runny nose, and so many dirty diapers I am going broke on disposables! Any normal child, and I would say "Oh yes, we should see teeth soon," but with Addison, I am finding myself reluctant to believe this. After all, she is the girl that cried wolfteeth. Even now, when it seems like pearly whites are right around the corner, she is still drawing this out as long as possible!

For the record, she has four swollen spots on her gums now! All four front teeth may just come in back to back! Then again, maybe they won't. Like the story goes, in the end, no one believes the little boy that cried wolf!



In other news: Sorry for not creating a What's Cookin'? Wednesdays! thread yesterday. Time gets away from me with this new work schedule of Willies, and before you know it, it's 10 pm on Wednesday night and you realize "Hey! It's Wednesday! I didn't write my post!" well...you know how it goes...I'll resume next week! I'm thinking a fun spin on a recipe given to me by a friend! Any vegetarians eating with us next week?? ;)