The Lesson of Tough Love..Learned in a Grocery Store.

Don't you just hate it when you go into a grocery store and there is a kid screaming through every aisle, throwing a fit, tossing things out of the cart, with tears running down their face? Yeah...me too.

I especially hate it after today, now that I have finally experienced the other side of that situation.  Yep.  It was my kid throwing a fit in the grocery store today!  You may remember  a certain post of mine this summer that was a reminder to myself and my husband that my daughter will one day throw a fit in the supermarket.  That day was today.  I will admit, that day came a little sooner than expected.

Nothing made her happy.  Not the sippy full of water.  Not the bowl of goldfish I packed just in case.  Not riding on daddy's shoulders. Not the two board books.  Not holding the pear. 

Sure, there were momentary distractions, such as letting her run around the personal hygiene aisle.  By the way what a great moment to choose to drop on all 4's and crawl through the store, Addie.  That sure got some looks.  I'm such a bad mother.

When she decided she no longer wanted to walk and just wanted to crawl all over the store, I gave up.  I was not going to let her crawl around the grocery store floor.  I'm not a germ-a-phobe, but yuck.  There is no telling what she was crawling on.  I picked her up and decided to carry her, which elicited many a protest, but what is a mom to do?  That's right.  Ignore it.  It was time to give Addison her first lesson in tough love.  She needs to learn that throwing a fit and causing mayhem is not the way to get what she wants.

I had no more options.  What she wanted was not even clear at this point. She just wanted to cry and squirm just to do it.  So, I let her.  We were at the check out lane, unloading groceries, and Addie was trying to climb up and over my shoulder to escape me.  Something she's never done before, and decided to pull out of her box of tricks right there in the middle of the store.  At least we were almost out of there and I wouldn't get any more glares from shoppers. Luckily, some nice old lady took pity on us and started talking to Addison, which at least calmed her down enough that I could keep a grip on her so she wouldn't fall on the floor.

We finally make it out of the grocery store...suddenly I'm holding an angel! I guess all she wanted was to not be grocery shopping.  I admit, it's not my favorite chore either, but I sure hope I figure out new ways to make it fun next week.

I am just glad we have adjusted our shopping schedule so that I'm not going alone with Addie.  While I'm sure I could handle it, I'm not so sure I'd want to.  I probably would have forgotten half my list, which would have meant we would turn around and do it again tomorrow.

Moral of the story (there are 3): Don't give in to the tantrum lest they learn how much it bugs you, be kind to little old ladies, & bring company.

Pint-Sized Cleaning Help: Another Point for the Green Team

Ahh, cleaning.  The foul stench of bleach, the cracked and blistering skin from the use of harmful chemicals.  Struggling to keep my daughter out of the bathroom while I scrub so she doesn't breath in harmful fumes...wait.  That doesn't sound so nice, does it?

That's right! It doesn't! And that's why I don't do it that way anymore.  In fact, Addie helped me scrub down the bathroom last week during a cleaning frenzy.  We bonded.  I cleaned.  She played with the dust pan.  I didn't worry once that she was breathing in harmful fumes or that she would touch the cleaning container that had a splash of bleach on the side. Nope.  We just had a good time.

Don't get me wrong, it's not like I let her play with the rag I was scrubbing with or anything, but it was nice to sit there and talk to her while I scrubbed without worrying about her touching anything. And you know what? I don't think my bathroom has ever looked cleaner, nor has cleaning the bathroom ever gone more smoothly!

Granted, I have been using green cleaners for over a year now, but we've still been weeding out the few chemicals that we have had stocked up under our sinks.  I just can't waste. To me that is even less green than using the bleach.  I've been scrubbing Addie's bathroom with Method cleaners and vinegar ever since we moved here for fear that I wouldn't rinse the tub out well enough, but I continued using my bleach-based cleaners on our bathroom to use them up.  Finally we made it!  No harsh chemicals, a clean bathroom, a happy toddler, and money saved on cleaning supplies*.  What more could I ask for?

* Apparently Borax is an amazing bathroom cleaner! It's also cheap, multi-purpose, eco-friendly, and something I already keep  on hand.  Gotta love it.

The Ultimate Nature vs. Nurture

Addie and I seem to be sharing some fears lately.  It seems these last few weeks she has developed one new fear after another, to the point where she is terrified of the most harmless items in our house.  I know that is normal for this age, with discovering new things and becoming independent, but this is really overwhelming for me as a parent.  It is just so sudden, and so extreme.

She has always been a timid little girl.  Even in the womb I would feel her kick extra hard when I vacuumed or started the coffee grinder.  These last few days, however, have been over the top.  Things she laughed at two days ago are now things she can't even look at without bursting into tears. She wouldn't leave her play room last night because there was a tennis ball in the door way.  She just stood there looking at it and sobbing.  Reaching out for me.  What do I do in that situation? She's too young to just let her "get over it" and tell her the ball won't hurt her.  I worry about coddling her and letting her know she has a reason to be scared.  I also worry that if I'm not coddling her, I'm pushing her to face those fears too soon.  I feel like we're walking a tightrope lately, and my balance has never been great. One day I'm going to tip too far to one side or the other, and there could be lifelong consequences.

They say these traits are genetic.  This scares me.  I was shy and timid growing up. I was so shy as a kid, that my best friend in high school told me one day that when she first met me, she thought I was a deaf-mute.  It was that bad.  I grew out of this "phase" right around the time that my father moved out of state.  Personally, I always thought maybe I was timid because of him (he was a very stern man) but maybe it was not his fault after all.  Maybe it is just a trait I will pass on to  my daughter.  Maybe she will grow up just as shy and timid as I did.  If that's the case, I can only hope that sooner or later, she will start showing some of her daddy's traits and be able to grow up with a nice balance. I was scared of everything.  So much so, that after some spooky stories told to me by a friend, I was in therapy.  We always considered it a fluke.  Just the wrong stories told at the wrong age, but what if it was just genetic? What if the same thing could happen to Addison?  I don't want her to fear the world.  I don't want her growing up unable to remember most of her childhood because she blocked out the scary parts.

I feel like I am stuck in the ultimate nature vs. nurture debate.  It's making me question my past...and my daughter's future.  Maybe this seems like a silly fear, but unless you lived the childhood I did-scared of everything...even an empty wall-it's hard to imagine it being this real.  Is this something I will be able to avoid for my daughter? Can my nurturing help her overcome her fears? Or is it in her nature to walk the same path as her mother? 

Gobble Gobble...Happy Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving dear readers!!  I thought now would be an appropriate time to give thanks in the form of a blog post.   I think this year it is especially important.  I think it is time for everyone to realize what truly matters and get back to the heart.  It's not all about money and buying things.  Not every family is sitting down to a Thanksgiving feast this year thanks to layoffs and a bad economy. Those aren't the things that truly matter.

I am thankful for so many things this year.

First off, I am thankful for my baby girl.  Addie has brought so much joy to my life.  I can't imagine my life without her...and she's only been here one short year.  I am thankful for the way she makes me laugh when I'm stressed out.  I am thankful for the way she makes me notice the little things again.  I am thankful for how she has opened my eyes to the world we live in-the good, the bad, and the ugly.  I am thankful she has changed me in so many ways.

Secondly, I am thankful for my husband.  Willie has been there for me through a lot.  I guess you could call him my knight in shining armor.  I give him a lot of grief and he still sticks around through it all, loving me and reminding me every day of that.  I am thankful that he is working so hard to provide a better life for us.  I am thankful he is willing to sacrifice now to make our future brighter.  It has been a rocky 2 years with a lot of life changes all piling on top of each other.  I am thankful he can keep his cool under stress.

I am thankful also for every person I have met here.  I would be so lost without my new friends.  From showing me around the city, introducing me to new ideas in parenting, babysitting trade offs, girl's nights out, play dates with the kids, and sometimes just a a shoulder to cry on.

I am thankful for my very supportive family-immediate and extended.  My parents and in-laws have been a great support through our move, through my first pregnancy and dealing with it away from home, through caring for a newborn on my own, through Addie's growth issues, through it all.  They may not always understand my decisions, but I have always gotten support.  I do have an aunt and uncle in the area that have been a huge help with the adjustment to our new life.  It is great to have family away from "home".

I also have some more frivolous things I am thankful for.

I am thankful that House is on every Monday night.  With Willie working nights, the evenings are quite lonely.  At least I have something to look forward to on Mondays.

I am thankful for discovering the blogosphere.  I have gotten so much off of my chest with this blog.  Maybe not many people read it, but that's not what matters to me.  What matters is that I have an outlet.

I am thankful for gDiapers!  Without them we would have been up a creek without a paddle tonight!  I guess this is the first step in the full transition to the cloth side.

So, that is what I am thankful for.  Have you thought about what you are thankful for?  Remember to hug your families this holiday and let them know how much you appreciate them!!

Mother's Intuion=My Intuition

Mother's intuition...I used to make fun of my mother for using this term.  I laughed and said she didn't have superpowers, she just had eyes in the back of her head.

Ahhh...the things that change when we become mothers ourselves.

I feared I would not have this so-called mother's intuition.  That I was a hack.  Wasn't made out to have children.  That I would fail.  These past few weeks, I have finally come into my own as a mother.  I found my confidence, and along with it, my intuition.

I feel like, this past year has been full of me asking questions to friends and having those questions answered as advice.  Really it seemed no one had confidence in me, therefore, I had no confidence in myself.  In my intuition.  Everywhere I turned I had people telling me the best way to do things.  I was given advice and direction on decisions that should have been completely personal, such as letting my daughter cry in her crib, what kind of diapers to use, and how to react to a temper-tantrum.

I know, I know..every new mother and old mother alike deal with this issue...complete strangers telling you how to dress your child or how to get them off the pacifier.   Unfortunately, I did not really deal with this situation from strangers on the streets.  I dealt with this situation from my friends. From my family.  From every person I came in contact with during day-to-day life.

I began to feel that I could not ask a parenting question as a conversation starter or to get ideas, because instead of a conversation, I would receive a lecture on why their way was right.  To be honest, I don't care how you feel your parenting skills are.  You aren't a better mother than me.  Maybe you are a better mother to your children, but not to mine.

Many issues have made our situation different than some other parents.  Addie has extremely sensitive skin, and spent the first 8 months of her life hidden under a mask of Eczema before we figured out the perfect environment and skin-care regimen for her.  Unless you have dealt with the same issue, I don't need advice on what cleaners are best for the bathtub, or which baby soap smells the best.  We can't use them.

Unless you have gone through being told that your baby is on the verge of starving-not thriving, not meeting milestones, not gaining weight-I don't need to be told by you that breast is best.  In our situation, it wasn't in the long run. I don't need to be told that it is normal for growth to slow down...it's not normal for growth and development to stop completely so that statement has no merit.  I also don't need to be told by you how much my daughter should eat or in what form she should eat it.  I ensure that she eats a healthy, balanced diet and discuss my questions with her pediatrician,  who has been there every step of the way  watching her growth and development with us.

What works best for everyone else is great.  It does not work best for us in most cases.  Some call me green, some call me crunchy, or hippie.  I just call myself concerned, and aware.  I am concerned for only my family.  I am aware of how our environment affects our daughter, and even us.  It all boils down to the fact that we are all a little different.  We should be able to parent that way without judgment, without instructions, and most definitely with support from our friends and family, regardless of how different our decisions may be.

I guess the point of this post is to say that I am finally in that place where I can say all of this.  I no longer strive to make everyone else see that I am a good mother.  I know I am.  I no longer freak out and call on a friend when something happens that I am unfamiliar with.  I finally trust my mother's intuition.  I had it all along.  I just needed to find it.  I did that in the most unexpected way.  I did it by turning away from my friends-my support.  By turning away from the books and articles.  I did it by focusing 100% on my family and our situation...not yours.

In Which I Quote A Loved Character..

How did it get so late so soon? It's night before it's afternoon.  December is here before it's June.  My goodness how the time has flewn.  How did it get so late so soon?*  Sometimes I feel like I blinked and missed the last year of my life.  Where did the time go? It's almost December...and here I am forgetting my hat and scarf because, hello! it's still summer!  Well....in my mind at least. Things have been so hectic the last few weeks that I'm forgetting the small things... So where have I been?  So many places.  First and foremost, my baby turned one this weekend, as you probably deduced from my reminiscent post of this time last year.  We had a fabulous party with a Dr. Seuss theme.  It was casual, laid back, and so much fun!!!  We even hired a photographer so I wouldn't have to be stressed out trying to entertain, take care of Addie, and capture every cute moment on camera.  I can't wait to get the photos back!  I've been over here tapping my fingers on the computer for two days now wondering why can't I see them yet?!  I know, I know...I need to work on my patience.  I just can't help but be excited about the fact that my baby has now celebrated her first birthday! But...more about that later.  Hopefully with pictures. In other news, I have also been working on starting my very own business!  That's right...although I love writing, I am probably not ambitious enough to actually go anywhere with it.  I have been crocheting baby and toddler accessories-such as hats and scarves-for a little extra money.  I love love love love love being a Stay-at-Home-Mom, but with Willie working over time and going to nursing school full time, I just felt like I needed something for me.  I have just recently re-discovered crocheting.  I've known how since I was a little girl, but never did get around to completing projects.  This most recent attempt was for a winter beanie for Addie so I was determined to finish it.  I loved it!!  In order to keep learning and keep making new items, I decided to list them on my storefront and see how they sell.  I am hoping this shop really fulfills something I felt was missing.  Something for me to focus on that is all about what I want, something that I enjoy.  I love my daughter and husband more than life itself, but sometimes you just need a separate part of your life to really give your all, you know?  With that said, if you are interested in checking out some of my items, please feel free to check out my shop or sent me a message for a custom request.  I think those are the two biggest updates in my life so far.  I am working on a post for Addie's birthday party (and my emotions over her turning one) now, but I wanted to write a quick update so everyone knows where I've been and what's been going on in our house!
*Dr. Seuss quote.  I feel it accurately describes my feelings these days.

The Birth of Addison Lynn..

Don't worry, an updated blog post complete with some party pictures and recent news will be up this week!  This is my last flashback post (and my real birth story written just days after her birth with very little editing so forgive me if it's not coherent!):

I just wanted to clarify that everyone is right. As much as I didn't want pit, as soon as they said there was even a small risk I agreed to it. So we got to my room about 8.30 and told them to just go ahead and start it. After 3 IV attempts they finally got one in, but it HURT!! I must have been having a reaction to something, the plastic or something, b/c they kept coming out, and the one they did get it bothered me the whole time, even in the middle of hard core labor I was complaining about my IV, lol. Well, the good news was even with the pit, I could still get up and walk around with the portable monitor, and I could even labor in the tub. So I hung out and waited for things to start hurting. I guess around midnight the contractions were hard enough that I was starting to have trouble breathing through them, so I asked if I could get an internal and see where I was, b/c I wasn't sure how long I was allowed in the tub since my water broke so I was trying to hold out for 5 cm before I got in. I was at 4.5 so I told the nurse I would get in the tub and see if that helped. They got me situated and I labored in there for awhile and started feeling sick. These contractions HURT! I don't honestly know how long I stayed in there, about an hour or so I think, then I got out and started walking around the room until contractions would hit and they would stop me in my tracks! I got back in bed for a bit b/c I just felt I could concentrate better there, and was able to breath through a few more hours of contractions. I was starting to get nauseous and trembling so I asked if I could do the tub again now that I was in a lot more pain I thought it would relax me. While I was in the tub that time I started pretty much shaking uncontrollably, and I couldn't focus through these for anything! I still really didn't want the epidural, and since it had been so long since my last internal I was thinking "maybe this is it maybe I'm almost done!" so I asked for another internal. 5.5 cm. I almost started crying. Actually, I think I did start crying. That was about 6 am and they told me I could get the epidural and it would probably relax me. At this point I knew I pretty much had to get it. If I couldn't stop shaking, I definitely wasn't surrendering to the pain to let the contractions work effectively. I was TERRIFIED! Willie was even crying with me b/c he knew how much I didn't want it, but he knew also how much pain I was in and he just couldn't stand it. So they called in the guy to do the epidural, and by this point, I'm balling my eyes out. I really didn't want this and didn't know if I could do it. They had Willie pretty much hugging me and he talked me through the whole thing. I must say, the worst part was the little needles, lol. I screamed at one point b/c I didn't know it was the numbing shot and it felt like he shoved something hard into my spine the shoved it up INTO my spine, and I thought that was it. I was paranoid the whole time he was doing it that something was just going to go terribly wrong and I'd have awful side effects from it, or worse (at this point) it wouldn't work! They laid me back down into bed and told me the contractions should gradually get less intense over the next 10-15 minutes. She was right, and I actually started to doze off finally and from there a lot of my details get really fuzzy b/c I would only remember some of the contractions. I guess they gave me the epidural that wasn't too strong so I could still feel b/c as the contractions got stronger I could start to feel a little pain again but it was NOTHING compared to what it was before. Once I got the epidural, my labor did in fact speed up. By 11 am I was 10 cm but b/c of the pressure of Addison's hand I still had one side of my cervix that wouldn't soften so I had to lay on my right side until it thinned out. They decided to let me labor down as much as I could b/c they still weren't positive if b/c of her position she would fit and they didn't want me pushing too long and putting extra stress on Addison and myself if it wasn't going to work anyways. Well, around 2 they did an internal and she was at +3 Willie said you could almost see her fingers, haha. So I did a few practice pushes with the nurse and then the doc came in when they knew I was ready. I pushed for 2 hours.  I really started going unconscious in between contractions while I was pushing and would only wake up when I felt pain and I would push. Eventually I woke up with an oxygen mask coming down over my face and the doc saying "When I tell you to stop pushing, I need to to stop, then I'll let you know when and I'll want just a little push from you" so I knew it was either the end or there was something wrong.  It was the end, thank goodness.  The shoulder presentation felt really weird, b/c all I could feel was the pressure and I seriously thought she was cutting me all over to make her fit, lol. They laid her on my stomach for a minute after she came out, but I couldn't pull myself up to see her and I still had the mask on so I yanked it off so I could see her a little b/c I knew at that point they weren't going to let me hold her for long before they took her to the warming table. She had her first BM on my tummy, lol, and then they brought her to the warming table to get her to cry (she was coughing and breathing on me but not crying and her color wasn't great) and to look over her hand and arm since there was some pretty bad swelling and bruising and she wouldn't move it. FINALLY after about 40 minutes of me crying to hold my baby, they brought her to me and she was just perfect! I have to say the doc was GREAT. She did the perineum massage the whole time I was pushing her head out and she was really encouraging. I seriously thought only midwives put that much effort into helping a mother give birth, all the stories I've heard the OB just comes in and catches the baby and leaves, lol. Not the case here! She stayed through all the pushing, after being in and out through my entire labor, and she stayed the whole time they were taking care of Addison. I was also really impressed that the word "c-section" only came up once at the very beginning because she wanted to let me know that she had never dealt with this particular position for a birth and so she couldn't tell me how it would end but they would do everything they could to keep it from ending in a c-section. I love that doc I'm so glad she's the one that was on-call for my birth. And I'm absolutely in love with my little girl! Every time I look at her I just can't fathom that she came out of me and I made her!

My Water Broke!!! *

That's right ladies and gentlemen!  The time is officially here!  I guess all I needed to do was relax a little and let things happen on there own.  It's like passing my due date just made all the tension ease from my mind and freed my body up to do what it was supposed to do.

Today started out just like any other day.  Willie went off to work, and my mother-in-law and I had some coffee and breakfast.  Instead of just hanging around the house all day waiting for something to happen, we decided to go out and buy some last minute things for the baby-Yeah because there was really more stuff we needed to buy.  


We were getting ready to leave right after lunch, and something told me (For any of the men reading this turn away now) to put on one of those overnight pads I had bought for after the baby.  No reason.  I had just tried to get into the habit of wearing one when we were out *just in case*.  So, I take care of that and we head out to Babies R Us.  The whole time I just felt funny but I couldn't quite put my finger on it so I just pushed it aside.  We get to the store and start walking around.  Every time I leaned over to look at something, it felt like I was peeing.  Boy was I embarrassed!  So I rushed off to the bathroom several times during that trip, but kept brushing it off.  I mean, I am over 40 weeks pregnant now, things are bound to get more difficult at this point.  We wrap up at Babies R Us and head out to Target.  At this point I'm wondering if something is going on.  I mean, yesterday being the full moon and all.

We get to Target and sure enough, this feeling is coming more and more.  I'm actually starting to get uncomfortable.  I go "pee" two more times while we are at Target.  The second time was right before we left.  I told myself "Okay, if I feel this one more time before we get to the car, I'm calling the doc!".    Sure enough...as we stepped off the curb I felt a pretty large gush!  I told my mother-in-law that I thought my water was leaking, and we headed back to the apartment.  I tried to pee and clean up after we got home and it just wouldn't stop so I called the OB and told them what was going on.  Since there was no way I'd make it there by 5 (the doctor/hospital is 30 minutes away and we still had to get Willie) she told me to just head to Triage when I felt it was time.

My phone call to Willie went something like this (I didn't want to freak him out since I wasn't having contractions).

Me: "Hey babe..you almost done for the day?"
Him: "I've got this call I'm almost done with and one more after that.  I was going to take my time and stretch it to 5 pm."
Me: "Well, maybe don't stretch your time.  Do you think they can take that last call off you and you can come bring me to the hospital?"
Him: "The where?"
Me: "The hospital, hun.  I think my water broke.  Can you do that? Can you get that last call taken away and come home early?"
Him: "Oh.  Cool.  Yeah I'll tell them I can't make my last call then I'll just try and make this call take as long as I can so they don't give me another one."
Me: "Umm...could you not make this call take any longer?  It would be nice to make it to the hospital.  I mean, I'm not having regular contractions so don't drop everything, but don't make it take longer please."
Him: "OH!!! So it's actually time!!"
Me: "Yeah, so we'll see you in a few?"

I went ahead and double checked that we had everything ready for the hospital while we were waiting on Willie to get off work.

Duffel bag check
Diaper bag check
Insurance info check
Cell phone check
Computer (for pics) check

It was quite a trip!  We picked up Willie from his work van and headed to Triage.    I was so nervous the entire car ride there.  I mean, my mom had two very quick labors...what if that's me? What if I'm already really far along and we don't have time to make the 30 minute drive to the hospital? What if...what if...what if...

So, we finally make it to the parking garage and find a spot.  I open the door to get out of the car and...POP!!  My water actually breaks. Like full on, messes-up-the-clothes-makes-a-huge-mess breaks.  Thank goodness I was out of the car first.  Now the only problem is that I'm soaked.  Willie goes looking for a wheelchair or someone to help us.  Do you believe there wasn't a single person available to find us a wheelchair?!  I had to walk through the lobby, down the hallway, up the elevator, and down another hallway to find Triage.  Walking.  I looked like I peed myself!  It was such an embarrassing walk!  I walked up to the desk at Triage and told them my name.  Apparently my doctor had called ahead and told them the situation so the nurse said "Oh okay, so you think your water broke? Let's go check."

I kid you not she walked around the corner and her jaw dropped and she said "Yep, I'm pretty sure your water broke.  Either that or you really have a bladder control problem.  I'm not even testing that!"

She gets me settled into a room and gives me a minute to change and calm my nerves.  Then she comes in and does an exam to see how far along I am.  This is where things got interesting!  First, she tells me that I'm now only 1.5 cm dilated, 50% effaced, and the baby has moved from -1 to +1 position.  Yeah, apparently you can digress as well as you can progress!  But that's not all...

..."I don't think I'm feeling her head.  It's either a hand or a foot.  I can't tell which right now."


"What?"

"I'm going to get the doctor in to take a feel and see what's going on, but I'm pretty sure she's not head-down, she must have moved since yesterday."

So, the doctor came in about an hour ago and told me that it was in fact her hand that they were feeling, and that my contractions did not appear to be helping me progress.  They were just sporadic and irritating, but not effective at all.  With the fact that my water has already broken, they want to get my labor moving along a bit more quickly, so she is already planning on starting Pitocin.  I don't want Pit.  I asked her about walking or anything else that might get my labor going, but apparently since the baby's hand already pulled down when my water broke, they are now worried about a prolapsed cord, and would like to keep me from walking too much to risk that.

I'm now settled in my room and waiting on the nurse to come in and start my IV.  This isn't what I wanted, but I am sacrificing already for my daughter.

I've still got to call my mom and let her know what's going on, but I will write more as soon as there is an update. Most likely (hopefully) a birth announcement!

...Stay tuned for more...



* For those of you confused and wondering if I'm having another baby already without telling anyone, maybe you should read this post before you freak out

Today is My Due Date*

Yep. Today is my due date. My Mother-in-Law's flight arrives at dinnertime tonight, and there's still nothing going on.  I've been on the edge of my seat all day wondering when it's going to happen, because-let's face it-it has to happen today! It's my due date!!!

This morning I had my last scheduled OB's appointment.  She measured me and sure enough, I'm still 2 cm dilated and now 90% effaced.  I know that is kind of good news.  I mean, any progress is progress.  I have that much less work to do when I actually go into labor.  It didn't get me really excited though.  I was secretly hoping the OB would look up at me and say I see her head! and then rush me off to labor and delivery telling me to hold on just a second. 

...It was a nice dream.  At least she-in her words-tried to "help things along" while she was down there.  She told me I should walk a lot today in an effort to make things happen naturally.

So, after my appointment I decided to meet up with my friend that lives just a block or two from my doctors office.  We walked all over downtown Seattle! I had tons of fun freaking people out.

"Oh, congratulations, when are you due?"...."Right now."

Muahahaha.  The looks were priceless I tell ya!  We bought ice cream and cookies and all the things I wanted my entire pregnancy but stayed away from because I didn't want to gain weight.  Well you know what? It's my due date.  Screw it, I'm eating some Rocky Road ice cream and some cookies! 

Alas, through all of that, nothing is happening.  I guess this kid wants to stay in there forever.  Can't blame her...it's getting pretty cold outside.  Still, it would be nice to hold her in my arms finally.  We just got back from another walk (that's, what? Two walks today?) and I'm getting ready to make these enchiladas for dinner.  If nothing else, there's three different kinds of chili's in them.  Maybe they will start the contractions-even though I don't really believe in those old wives tales, I've still got some hope. I'll try anything at this point!

Wish me luck!! (and stay tuned...)





* For those of you that might be a tad bit confused & wondering if I am having another baby already maybe you should read this post

Nesting Galore..the countdown continues..*

November 9, 2008

 I can count on one hand the number of days counting down to the day.  Well, at least I hope it's the day!  I don't think I can handle this much longer.  I got stuck on the kitchen floor this afternoon after attempting to reorganize the lower level kitchen cabinets.  Seriously, I was on the floor for at least 30 minutes while needed to pee.

I've been nesting this past week-my excuse for the lack of blogging.  It's over now though.  The cabinets are organized, the floor is scrubbed, I have food frozen in the freezer, the nursery is organized (a hundred times over), the clothes are washed, my bag is packed.  There's nothing left to do but wait. 

...and imagine symptoms of imminent labor.  I can't count how many times I've woken up thinking I was in labor.  I'm really really beginning to count on this full moon to put me into labor.  Everything else I'm doing sure isn't working, and despite my countless reassurances on the outside, I'm not remaining as patient as I had wished.

Willie's mom will be here in a few days.  Her plane lands in the early evening on my due date.  What happens if we are at the hospital at that time??  Oh the pressure!!!  You would think all this stress would send me into labor.  It's not such a great idea to encourage though since my last three appointments have shown my blood pressure to be high.  Guess we'll just wait. 

Some more.  Is the suspense killing you yet??




*Photography by Andrew Yeckley

Nausea, Heartburn, Indigestion...The Countdown Begins..

Lately, I can't help but think of this time last year.  I was less than two weeks away from my due date, and miserable to say the least.  Addie never truly dropped, so at this point in the game, I was always having stomach trouble, be it nausea, heartburn, or indigestion.  My ribs were sore, my back hurt, and my legs felt like they were falling off-if you've ever had a kid, I'm sure you know exactly how I felt.  I thought it would be "fun" to relive those days now, while we approach the one-year mark.  Since I had yet to experience the wonderful world of blogging, most of you don't know the full story of how Addie came into this world.  These next few weeks, I'll mainly be re-living the next few weeks of last year.

November 3, 2008

 Everyone is on edge.  I'm less than two-weeks from my due date, and it could literally be any day now.  I've been having false labor pains for several days, waking up in the middle of the night and timing contractions.  My doctor says I'm  50% effaced and 2 cm dilated.  Of course, everyone keeps telling me that doesn't really mean anything, but I'm still carrying around hope inside.  I'm ready to be done. I'm ready to hold my baby girl (I hope) in my arms and sing her lullabies. 

I pulled out my exercise ball today.  I read somewhere that  bouncing or rolling on the ball can cause the baby to drop further, and may help me dilate.  Here's hoping, because I sure would like to get this ball rolling...no pun intended.   We're starting to go for daily walks by the river, too.  I don't care that it's getting colder and seems to rain every day.  What else do I have?  I can't hold out all my hope that the full moon on my due date will actually cause me to go into labor.  I'm not that lucky.

Everyone already has plane tickets ready to go, and trips planned out, all revolving around this little one's birth.  No pressure or anything.  I mean, I'd really like to have a few days at home alone with my new family before all the hustle and bustle of visitors, but whatever happens, happens.  It might be nice to have some extra help around the house when I get home from the hospital.  Then again, what if she decides to come late? What if everyone flies up here and just waits and waits, and then nothing happens?  Times like these, I almost wish I was open to the idea of a voluntary induction..but I'm not, so it doesn't matter.

All I can say is, with all these time-able contractions I'm having, I hope I'm at least making more progress.