Can Discipline Go Overboard?

We all know that disciplining children is a touchy subject among parents.  Everyone thinks that their way is the best way.  We've all read books, blogs, and websites from different "experts" on the topic of parenthood and young children.

Today, I had the pleasure of stumbling across two different blogs (here, and here) discussing different sides on this subject.  The differing views between the two sparked something in me that I just needed to share.

They are both fairly short posts, and both very worth the read.  They bring up some great topics.

Upon my initial reading of the post "Are You Damaging Your Kid's Self-Esteem?", I was appalled.  What right does she have to tell me I'm pimping out my child when I ask for a hug or a kiss?  I feel like my daughter is a very affectionate child, and that I've helped her become that way.  This point is just hard to swallow.  I grew up giving my relatives hugs and kisses (on the mouth, too!) and I in no way feel that this has caused emotional damage.  I did not grow up to believe that the only way I can earn affection is by handing out kisses, or worse.  At what point would I be considered "pimping" my child? Is it when I ask her to show Nanna how she has learned all the words to "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star," including all of the signs? Or is it only considered pimping if I push the issue after she says "no"?

The author then goes on to discuss our "know it all" attitude as parents.  To an extent, I do agree with what she has written here.  She gives the example of telling your child to put a sweater on when it's cold.  "Let your kid get cold. Let him know where a sweater is just in case," is her advice.  Why should I insist that my daughter wear a sweater when she is telling me she isn't cold? I have found I am much more successful when I just suggest she wear a sweater.  If she refuses, then she can go outside and see how cold she is and make the decision herself.  To me, this proves two points. 

1) I believe she is an individual capable of making her own decisions-to an extent.  She is only 2 years old. and
2) Maybe sometimes mamma knows best.  Next time I suggest a sweater, she may believe me when I say it's cold, and grab her sweater.

Where do I draw that line, though? If my potty trained 2 year old says she doesn't need to go potty before nap, do I just let her go straight to bed knowing she'll be up in 5 minutes asking to pee? Or do I insist she at least try before nap time so she can go to sleep easier.

What about at bed time when she tells me she's not tired after spending the last 30 minutes rubbing her eyes and yawning? Do I really just let her stay up because she insists?

Can I tell her to say "please" and "thank you," or is that asking her to perform on command again?

I fear that if we take this school of thought too far-the school of thought that telling your child to do something ruins their self esteem and ability to listen to their bodily cues- that we may end up with an even worse situation than the one we are already in.  How many day time talk shows do we have to see with the title "I'm scared of my 3 year old," to learn that it's okay to offer guidance and discipline to your young child? The point is, everything in moderation.  It's a good rule to learn in life. I personally have found the best approach to be the power of suggestion, versus insisting she do it my way.

I would love some other opinions on this subject.  Do you find today's parents to be too pushy with their children?

The Perfect Hiding Place {Writing Prompt}

Like most kids, at nine years old, I had a best friend.  At the time, she was really the only friend I had, to be honest.  Every afternoon after school, I would go to her house to play.  Her house was my sanctuary. I could listen to New Kids on the Block. I could play video games. Her family lived on a coul de sac full of other kids from school, so we would get together and play kick ball, chase, soft ball, and other childhood favorites.

Things I couldn’t do at home.  Friends didn’t come to my house.  I wasn’t allowed to listen to anything but country music, or wear fun clothes.  The neighborhood kids were all much older.  Playing at my friend’s house was the only time I had to be a kid.

Then, my parents did the un-thinkable.  They ripped me away from my entire life, and we moved to a new town, a new school, and a new life.  What’s worse, we moved from a thriving, busy metropolitan out to farm country with the world’s smallest school district, biggest yards, and fewest neighbors.  

 

I wish my nook looked this awesome.

Moving away from my sanctuary was a hard adjustment for me.  I had nowhere to hide and be a kid again. I couldn’t make new friends in such a small town.  All of these kids had been friends since birth.  I was the weird kid, the outsider. I promised myself and my parents that I would go back home.  That I would leave the one-horse-town our new home resided in, and go back to the city.  I just needed time to pack.  I needed to “iron out the details.”  

Once, during recess, a boy in my class told me that if I just followed the railroad tracks, they would lead my straight out of town.  He said I couldn’t get lost if I just stayed by the railroad tracks.  I thought about it.  I road in the bus past those railroad tracks every day on my way home from school.  I could just never get the courage.  I was a very compassionate person, even at such a young age. Every time I thought I had the courage up to leave, I would realize my birthday was coming up, or Christmas, or Mothers day.  I thought to myself, “If I left now, it would hurt them too much to enjoy the holiday.  I’ll wait until it’s over.” 

Needless to say, I never ran away from home.  I mean, where would I have gone?  Instead, I created a safe haven for myself.  I created my own little world that no one ever knew about in the back of my closet-complete with a reading lamp, my journal, my favorite pillow, and a stack of books that could take me anywhere I wanted to go.    Just like that, I had found my sanctuary-my perfect hiding place.  I spent every afternoon in there doing homework, reading books, and writing.  I like to think that is where my love of writing came from.  

Best of all, no one else knew it ever existed until just now.

These days, I no longer have a special hiding place in my closet.  I'd love to have my own little nook, even as an adult.  Of course, now, I'd settle for a great writing nook hidden in my closet! 

While I don't think this was officially part of Mamma Kat's writer's workshop, I did find this writing prompt on her blog and it inspired me!

'Tis the Season...For Gift Making!

It's that time of year again! Well...not really. It's not Christmas time yet.  After all, it's supposed to be somewhere up in the 90's again here today. So no, it's definitely not the season...yet.

source

However, if you're anything like me-and I hope some of you are-you'll realize that yesterday was exactly 6 months until Christmas.  That's right.  Yesterday was 6/25.  So the count down has officially begun!

I know, I know.    Everyone is sick of hearing about the holidays earlier and earlier each year.  I promise I'm not going to start singing Jingle Bells and break out the decorations just yet.  In fact, I usually don't truly get into the spirit of Christmas until December.  Sometimes. The thing is, though, that for the last 3 years, I have sworn I would have a hand-made Christmas. Unfortunately, between running and online crafty business and keeping my daughter occupied, that has yet to happen.  Sure, I end up with a few hand-made gifts to give out, but nothing extra-ordinary.

I realized last night, that if I truly want to do this, I've got to start early.  You know, like June! So, here I am, compiling lists of crafts and fun ideas for everyone on my Christmas list.  I thought it would be fun to share as I go for anyone else interested in a DIY holiday.

Will you join me in planning a DIY holiday? I would love to hear about your adventure in handmade gift making!

One Item Down, 56 More to Go.

That's right.  I just finished something else off of my Bucket List.

43. Take a road-trip across the country in our bus.

I guess it sort of depends on how technical you want to get though.  I mean, we did take a road trip camping in the bus.  Does it matter that the bus was being towed?

That's right.  That's a U-Haul towing our bus.  We towed it all the way from Washington to Texas.  I won't get into the gory details, but let's suffice it to say that during my absence from blogging, I was busy packing, driving across the country (again), and adjusting.

Of course, our current residence is very temporary, but it was still an adjustment.  I'm back in my childhood hometown, a place I never thought I'd return to for any extended period of time.  That itself is a post all on it's own, or maybe a book.   I haven't decided yet.

Any way, we did travel across the country, camping in our 1972 VW bus.  It's a sort of fun story, when you exclude the stress of moving and making it to town by a certain day.  I've joked a lot about becoming a "hippie" during my time in Washington, but honestly, none of the green living, crunchy lifestyle habits made me feel more like a hippie than traveling across the country, camping in this bus wherever we stopped, and not showering for four days!

It was pretty cool.  We sure attracted a lot of attention from passers-by, even had a few friendly conversations.  After all, when strangers see you step out of a bus that's being towed by a 26' U-Haul trailer, questions are bound to come up.

I'm not going to cross this one off of my list just yet, as much as I'd like to.  After all, we didn't drive the bus.  Plus, I'd like to leave that one staring at me a little longer to encourage a trip East, just for fun this time instead of necessity.

So, here it is, staring at me and just waiting to be crossed off for real next time:
43. Take a road-trip across the country in our bus.

Sure Enough, Snow..

Well, sure enough...we've got snow.  In late February even.  It started mid-morning yesterday and has been snowing off and on for the last 24 hours.  My front yard has turned into a bit of a winter wonderland.. It's quite beautiful, depending on your tastes.

My tastes change throughout the year.  Even a month ago, I would have thought this was beautiful.  I would have been thrilled at the chance to play in the snow and would have been drinking hot chocolate while watching it out the window.  Now, however? Now my inner Texan is kicking and screaming like a 2 year old in a candy aisle.

It's not supposed to snow in almost-March!  My body is aching for 70 degree weather and salty air. I want to buy tank tops and sandals again.  I want to need a reason to look good in a bikini again! I'm tired of hats (okay, not really!), long sleeve shirts, and layers. 

Oh, beautiful snow, I love you, but you're a little late this year.  Can you please let the sun come out to play?

The Bucket List

I know many bloggers and writers in general make a list of things they want to do in their life.  I finally decided to jump on the bandwagon and get mine down on paper, so I have something to hold myself accountable for.

So, here are the top 100 things I want to do before I'm too old to do them.  I'll keep this updated to the best of my abilities and mark things off as they are done.

1. Get Married
2. See the Pacific Ocean
3. See the Atlantic Ocean
4. Visit Europe
5. Visit Europe with my family
6. See a real castle
7. Go to Disney World
8. Go on a cruise
9. Write a book
10. Get published
11. Get a bachelors degree
12. Get a masters degree
13. Run a successful business
14. Buy a house
15. Start riding a bike as an adult
16. Have a kid
17. Accumulate frequent flyer miles (but first, learn how to accumulate frequent flyer miles)
18. See New England
19. Visit NYC
20. Have a well-known blog
21. Find more time to pamper myself
22. Cook a dish that impresses "foodies"
23. Have my products featured in a magazine
24. Learn how to take photographer-worthy photos
25. Plant and tend to a flower garden
26. Plant and tend to a fruit/veggie garden
27. Landscape a yard
28. Have a home that people enjoy visiting
29. Have articles published in a magazine
30. Get a dog
31. Do a hiking trip that lasts at least 2 days
32. Learn to spin yarn
33. Learn to dye yarn
34. Learn to sew
35. Sew an outfit
36. Get my products into a store
37. Look good in a bathing suit again
38. Learn how to navigate without GPS
39. Have a 100% hand-made Christmas
40. Make hats for chemo patients
41. Build a tree-house/fort for my kids (or have W build it)
42. See Hawaii
43. Take a road-trip across the country in our bus
44. Visit Canada
45. Have a "trash the dress" photo shoot
46. Renew our vows
47. Go on a (late) honeymoon
48. Vacation somewhere "all inclusive"
49. Get paid to write on a regular basis
50. Have a second kid
51. Visit the Carolinas with my family
52. Get down below my wedding day weight
53. Go camping with my family
54. Have an organized work space/craft room
55. Hire a cleaning service
56. Be able to afford good schools for my kids
57. Help support my family
58. Learn to speak a foreign language fluently
59. Backpack across Europe
60. Teach someone how to do a craft
61. Celebrate a 10 year anniversary with Willie
62. Celebrate 25+ years with Willie
63. Be known for something positive I have accomplished
64. Hire an interior designer
65. Join a book club

A Letter to my Future Teen

I've recently re-discovered Mama Kat's blog and her weekly writing prompts.  This week, I decided to join in, and chose to write a letter to my future teen.

Dear Daughter,

 

As I write this letter, you are 2 (going on 13).  You're just discovering your independence and the fact that you do have opinions.  They call this age the "terrible twos", and I can certainly see why everyone fears toddlers.  However, I wouldn't call them terrible.  You're strong willed, emotional, and very opinionated, but all of these things are what makes you you.  Parenting "experts" and all of the well-meaning advice from friends has nothing on you, but I enjoy the challenge! We're certainly never bored in this house.

You've been my biggest lesson in humility. After all, I never did enjoy asking for help, and I have learned that sometimes I need it.  After all, I don't know how I would have made it through your colicky phase if I hadn't had your father to take turns with during that time.

I know that as you get older, you and I will butt heads a lot.  We'll have differing opinions on what is best for you, and if you'll really marry that boyfriend of yours after graduation.  It's just a matter of fact given that we are both so similar.  As much as we may fight, though, I want you to know that even my worst days as a parent have far surpassed even my very best days before you came into my life. 

I hope this letter finds us with a good relationship and a great appreciation for each other.

Love,

Mommy