Ahhh...the things that change when we become mothers ourselves.
I feared I would not have this so-called mother's intuition. That I was a hack. Wasn't made out to have children. That I would fail. These past few weeks, I have finally come into my own as a mother. I found my confidence, and along with it, my intuition.
I feel like, this past year has been full of me asking questions to friends and having those questions answered as advice. Really it seemed no one had confidence in me, therefore, I had no confidence in myself. In my intuition. Everywhere I turned I had people telling me the best way to do things. I was given advice and direction on decisions that should have been completely personal, such as letting my daughter cry in her crib, what kind of diapers to use, and how to react to a temper-tantrum.
I know, I know..every new mother and old mother alike deal with this issue...complete strangers telling you how to dress your child or how to get them off the pacifier. Unfortunately, I did not really deal with this situation from strangers on the streets. I dealt with this situation from my friends. From my family. From every person I came in contact with during day-to-day life.
I began to feel that I could not ask a parenting question as a conversation starter or to get ideas, because instead of a conversation, I would receive a lecture on why their way was right. To be honest, I don't care how you feel your parenting skills are. You aren't a better mother than me. Maybe you are a better mother to your children, but not to mine.
Many issues have made our situation different than some other parents. Addie has extremely sensitive skin, and spent the first 8 months of her life hidden under a mask of Eczema before we figured out the perfect environment and skin-care regimen for her. Unless you have dealt with the same issue, I don't need advice on what cleaners are best for the bathtub, or which baby soap smells the best. We can't use them.
Unless you have gone through being told that your baby is on the verge of starving-not thriving, not meeting milestones, not gaining weight-I don't need to be told by you that breast is best. In our situation, it wasn't in the long run. I don't need to be told that it is normal for growth to slow down...it's not normal for growth and development to stop completely so that statement has no merit. I also don't need to be told by you how much my daughter should eat or in what form she should eat it. I ensure that she eats a healthy, balanced diet and discuss my questions with her pediatrician, who has been there every step of the way watching her growth and development with us.
What works best for everyone else is great. It does not work best for us in most cases. Some call me green, some call me crunchy, or hippie. I just call myself concerned, and aware. I am concerned for only my family. I am aware of how our environment affects our daughter, and even us. It all boils down to the fact that we are all a little different. We should be able to parent that way without judgment, without instructions, and most definitely with support from our friends and family, regardless of how different our decisions may be.
I guess the point of this post is to say that I am finally in that place where I can say all of this. I no longer strive to make everyone else see that I am a good mother. I know I am. I no longer freak out and call on a friend when something happens that I am unfamiliar with. I finally trust my mother's intuition. I had it all along. I just needed to find it. I did that in the most unexpected way. I did it by turning away from my friends-my support. By turning away from the books and articles. I did it by focusing 100% on my family and our situation...not yours.
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