Wanderlust

Kalaloch, WA

My whole life, I have always had the distinct feeling that the grass would be greener on the other side.  I always felt like there was somewhere else I should be; somewhere bigger and better.  I was a big traveler, heading out to big cities and exotic places.  Every time I went somewhere new, I started daydreaming of living there.  Then, I moved here and it all changed.  I feel like from the moment I arrived in Washington, I knew I had finally found a place to settle down.  As it turns out, the grass really is greener here.  So are the trees.  It must be all of the rain.

For the first time in my life, there is no where I'd rather be.  My wanderlust has finally been satisfied.  Sure, I get homesick-quite frequently as a matter of fact, but I have no desire to leave here now, or any time soon.

Ironically, for the first time in my life, the decision is not entirely in my hands.  I've mentioned before the struggles we've faced since moving here.  It's been a hard  (almost) three years here, and we're reaching the end of a very long journey that has left us achy and tired, and ready for a nice big meal.  In other words, Willie is almost done with school, and the job searching has begun.

While he's searching, the reality is hitting the two of us like a ton of bricks.  This is it. It's basically our last chance.  He's gone back to school. We've made the required sacrifices. We've (well, he's) worked the odd jobs and gone without insurance, all to make this happen.  This is the end of the road.  We've already decided that if-after all of this-he is still unable to find the appropriate work for someone with his education and experience here, we'll have to expand the job search as far as it will reach.

The idea saddens me.  I can't imagine leaving here.  By the time all of this works out, we will have been here for three years.  That's the longest I've lived anywhere other than the place I grew up, and even then I left as soon as I had graduated!

Seattle skyline at twilight, seen from West Seattle

Of course, this is the worst-case scenario. We've still got our hopes high that the area will prove as fruitful as we'd imagined when we first set our sights on the northwest.  Still, it never hurts to be prepared for all the possibilities.  In that mindset, I've been slowly coming to grips with the fact that I may have to say good-bye soon to a place that has finally felt like home.  It's left me a bit withdrawn and cranky. 

This is not like me, though.  I don't really know how to react to the idea of leaving a place before I'm ready.  Last week, for example, we had to come up with a list of the top ten places we would be willing to transfer for a job.  Yes, top ten places we would transfer.  It's a pretty impressive job, too, so of course we came up with a list of places we would like to see.  After all, this was our agreement when we decided to move here.  We had to allow it to be a temporary home if necessary.  We have no true roots holding us here, so we must be willing to go where we can find a decent income.  The only problem is, neither of us expected to become this attached to a place where we knew no one two and a half years ago.