This year has been so incredibly different than any other year of my life. I feel like I have changed, like I have become someone new. I've become a mother. I've become confident. I'm at peace with myself for the first time since I can remember.
Last year, Willie and I rang in the new year calming a colicky baby and watching fireworks out the window. We couldn't see many of them due to our crummy location, but we craned our neck, opened the blinds, and looked at just the right angle to see one or two fireworks every few minutes while tag-teaming to try and get Addie to sleep. That was a tough time. I was pretty depressed last new year, thinking What a way to ring in the new year...holding a crying baby, sleep deprived, and irritable. I remembered thinking They say that the way you ring in the new year is how you'll spend the rest of your year. I guess that means I'll spend an entire year trying to calm down an inconsolable infant, arguing with my husband, and watching the party from the sidelines. It really goes to show that a change in perspective can make the world of difference.
Instead of thinking I would be spending my entire year with a crying baby, arguing with my husband, and watching the party from the sidelines, I should have been thinking I'm going to spend the year with my family-all of us together-enjoying the view. See what a difference that makes? And you know what? It's true. I spent the year with my family-all of us together-enjoying life, enjoying each other, and enjoying the view.
The first half of the year is a blur. It is marked in my memory as stumbling through the fog. Despite the fact that Addie appears to be an "easy baby", the first half of her first year was probably the hardest time in my life. Ever. I think even Willie doesn't realize how hard that time was for me. I hadn't started my blog at that point, although I know it would have been a tremendous help, but life was complicated. Addie cried a lot. I cried a lot. It started before the breastfeeding issues though. It started the day she emerged from the womb, so much in a hurry to get out that she ended up injured and crying for her first week. Things settled down for a few weeks and it seemed to be smooth sailing until the colic started. I feel like all I can really remember of those first few months is crying, and trying to cover it up with a sunny disposition.
In May, I started this blog. It has been a tremendous help, an outlet for my anger, frustration, joy, and sadness. It helped me open up about things no one knew. In fact, it still does. We discovered some underlying issues regarding Addie's crying, and found ways to fix them. Life began to improve, the fog began to lift, and we were able to relax a little bit.
This summer was spent hiking, taking tons of photos, camping, blogging, and exploring Washington further than just Seattle.
This past fall was probably my favorite time of the year. Addie had her first birthday, her last first holiday, and I developed my confidence in myself.
The holidays passed all too quickly this year. Thanksgiving was spent with our friends-a relaxed affair with good food. Christmas was a busy time for us, traveling, illness, and new traditions all rolled into one.
And now, here we are, back where we started. The holidays have passed. The year is coming to a close. It's New Year's Eve again, one year later. It's been a wild ride, but I'm ready to welcome in a new year, a new season. I'll be alone when the ball drops tonight. Willie is working nights, and Addie should be asleep by then. So, I will watch New Years happen from the sidelines again, working on new projects for my shop. Instead of thinking about how boring this next year will be, I am going to think of how productive it will be. Willie and I will both ring in the new year working, earning money. This next year will be fruitful. It will be fulfilling. It will be peaceful.
Earlier today, I decided on my New Year's Resolution. It's a personal resolution, something I'm not willing to share publicly, on my blog. It shows a different side of me than the public face I prefer to show. I will, however, stick with it this year, and you can know that it is not a frivolous resolution such as losing weight, eating better, or exercising more. Those are all things I try to do year round. This resolution will change my quality of life. It will make me a better person.
Here's to 2010!! I hope it lives up to everyone's hopes and wishes for the upcoming year.
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